The Fear Keeps Me Moving
by TheGeekinPink
Summary: Post 'Valhalla'. Emily makes the decision to leave the BAU and find Doyle before her team has the chance to get to him fore she goes, she stops to say goodbye to the one person who'll understand her reasons for leaving. Prequel to 'Known Subject'.


**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own any of characters on Criminal Minds, they belong to CBS.**

**A/N: Hello. This is a sort of prequel oneshot to the story that I'm writing called "Known Subject". It deviates from what happens in canon a bit and it takes place after Emily leaves the BAU in "Valhalla". Thought I'd release it since you guys have been so great with responding to this story. Hope you all enjoy reading this and it'll tie you all over for the next week or. As always, comments and feedback are greatly appreciated!**

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The bright, LED porch light comes to life as the banged brunette takes a tentative step towards the door for the fifth time in the ten minutes that she's been standing out here. She glances over to the street, checking and double checking to make sure that no one had followed her here. When she sees that it is safe, the brunette sets the cat carrier down on the floor causing the occupant inside to purr a little at the intrusion. Emily had found herself doing that a lot since her dinner with Sean two months ago. But if she were in the mood to be honest with herself, she had been exhibiting this kind of cautious behavior for the last seven years. It just wasn't as overt as it is at the moment.

Emily knew the moment Interpol stormed into Doyle's compound in France that it would only be a matter of time before the arms dealer uses one of his many contacts to put the pieces together and learn the truth about her being a federal agent, if he hadn't already. She knew that no matter what kind of high, maximum security prison they put Doyle in, the arms dealer would eventually find a way out and hunt down her and along with the rest of her team.

The staged deaths of Declan Doyle and his nanny, Louise, sealed her own ultimate fate. He may come after the other members of the JTF-12, but he would make sure that she was the one who suffered the most. In his eyes, she took away the only person that his parasociopathic personality was capable of loving. She stole his 'little warrior', as he would put it, and in vengenance he would steal something that she valued the most in return, her life.

She remembers voicing these fears, after a heated argument with her handler, Sean Mccallister, for leaving her out of the loop about the raid. But he calmly reassured her with a big bear hug and a few reassuring whispers, that Doyle was now a footnote in what he expects to be a very long career for her. That she didn't need to worry about him anymore because the way he saw it, the arms dealer would never again see or feel the light of day from outside of the walls of his prison cell in god knows where.

With the joint reassurances of Tsia Mosley and Jeremy Wolff, she superficially took them at their words and for a few moments, she allowed herself to hope that her team was right and the nightmare that is Ian Doyle was finally behind her. That from this point on, she would have nothing to worry about when it came to the Irish arms dealer.

Boy, were they all wrong. And because of their lassiez faire attitude and underestimation of the will of Ian Doyle; Sean, Jeremy, Tsia, Corelli, Delaney, the Cosenzas and several others were now dead. She now found herself next on the psychopath's list. Judging by the ruthlessness she had witnessed when he had known her as Lauren Reynolds and the gifts of the lilac freesia, he intentionally saved her for last.

Doyle wants her to know that she is his mouse own. To toy with for a little while for his own self righteously justified amusement. He wants to watch her squirm and paw away from him as much of the life that she's made for herself in DC while protecting the people she's come to know as her surrogate family in vain. He wants her to feel all the pain and anguish that he felt for the last seven years being locked up in one of the worst prison's in the world. Doyle thinks that by taking away every last piece of security that she may feel, even if it means killing her team at the BAU to do it, that he would have the satisfaction of watching her fall apart before killing her.

What Doyle didn't anticipate in his seven year plan, was Emily's own determination to stay alive and the fact that she knew him better than he knew himself, thanks to her own profile of him. She expected his intimidation tactics because she had seen them more than her fair share of them before. Ever since her meeting with him a couple of weeks ago at the cafe, she has been planning what she was going to do if and when his revenge tactics escalated to more violent means of sending his message to her. She was to try and leave her team out of it as much as she could, while trying her best to work with the stubborn Clyde Easter, who she suspected of being the mole that sold her and the rest of the team out.

If worse came to worst, the brunette would go to the one place that she knew Ian would go to, Declan's last supposed resting place and take the fight to him. He would recruit some old IRA members in Boston to assist him, but these guys would be lower level henchmen and that rat Fahey. Doyle would be there waiting for her to show up and she will finally end this nightmare that started seven years ago in the memory of her fallen teammates and her family at the BAU. As well as a sweet, little nine year old, who now has the potential to be anything that he wanted to be and future beyond the dangerous realm of arms dealing.

Unfortunately for Emily, that time came sooner than she had wanted or expected it to. She hadn't even had time to say one last goodbye before she found herself in her apartment once again, gathering all the items within her safe that pertained to the Doyle profile. While making sure she had all the weapons she could feasibly carry in the nineteen sixty-nine black Mustang that she had purchased this afternoon, in cash, at the used car dealership. She managed to hustle Sergio into the black cat carrier that he hated so, with the incentive of cat nip and his favorite treat. With plans to drop him off at her current destination and ensuring that he made it into the hands of Penelope Garcia.

Before she could do that, there was still one last piece of unfinished business the former agent had to deal with first before she left DC for good. She didn't think she'd be able to leave if she hadn't come her first.

As reaches out her hand to press the doorbell, the brunette starts to have second thoughts about doing what she was about to do. She knew that it wasn't fair of her to place this kind of burden onto this person, but she didn't think that she had any other option. If Emily left this information with Clyde, who she had a feeling that Doyle was watching him too, then it would give the arms dealer an unneeded advantage. If he killed Easterman, she would be forced to stay in DC and fight him here which she would not be able to do.

If she goes to her mother and father with her undercover files, then that would put them in danger too. Emily didn't care about the fact that her mother would lock her away and go on and on about how he wouldn't be able to get past her elite security team, the brunette knew that he would still get to them. As tempestuous of a relationship that she had with her parents, Emily couldn't live with herself if they were killed because of her.

The few friends inside and outside of the Bureau could not help her either, seeing as they had no clue that she had been undercover. And if she goes to Tom and tells him about Doyle's escape, then she might as well drive all the way to Ruston and place a sign on their front door saying that 'Declan and Louise were really alive and lived here'.

Her teammates at the BAU were already knee deep involved into the investigation. It was only a matter of time before they figured out that she was the next target on Doyle's hit list. If they couldn't figure it out from the bogus information that she gave them about the Valhalla investigation, they would certainly know it once they go to her desk to find her gun and badge in the drawer along with her phone. So they were absolutely out of the question.

The only person Emily could turn to, is the one person that she has been avoiding since this whole thing with Doyle started, under the guise of keeping her and her young son safe from the arms dealer. Since she wasn't a part of the BAU anymore and had ties to the State Department, Emily figures that out of all the people she could have gone to with this, that the blond was her best option. Maybe not the best option, but the only option she had to go on right now. It made her sick to her stomach to think of the possibility that she may be putting her in danger, but Emily figures that Doyle or his men would not follow her here or even think twice about her connection to the State Department's liaison.

Her thoughts are interrupted when the front door suddenly opens and the blond in question appears before her smiling happily at her.

"Emily, long time no see. Seeing as you haven't answered my calls or texts for the last few weeks or so. I thought you may have disappeared on me or something. " JJ said teasingly, causing the brunette to look down at her combat boots slightly, knowing that she deserved the thinly veiled, verbal lashing that the liaison was giving her.

"Sorry about that, I truly am." Emily apologizes solemnly. "We've had some pretty bad cases the last few weeks and it's been hard to recover from them this time around."

JJ sees the brunette looking down at her shoes, feeling bad that her attempt at a joke failed miserably. So she decides to change the subject, hoping that would perk the serious brunette up a little.

"I've been watching you from the window over there." JJ tells her while nodding her head to the little window, whose white curtain fell slightly out of place. "I figured I would save you the trouble of making the first move."

Emily gives JJ half of a smile before twiddling the crumpled up flap of the big orange-yellow folder.

Sensing that something was wrong with her friend, JJ's happy expression drops from her face and is replaced with one of concern.

"Is everything okay?"

Emily looks away from the State Department liaison and sighs.

"No, not really. Is it alright if I come in for a little bit?" Emily asks hesitantly. She points her empty right hand down towards the cat carrier. " I've brought a guest with me."

JJ nods. "Sure, Em. You and Sergio are more than welcomed in anytime."

"Thanks."

Emily leans down and picks up the carrier off the porch. When she rises, she sees JJ step slightly to the side to let her into her cozy little home. Once inside, JJ closes the door behind the two of them and catches up to the brunette.

The blond leads her around the beige couch and to the coffee table where the liaison was working. There were papers haphazardly spread on every inch of the brown table and a few pens scattered all over said papers. The liaison also had her completed files stacked on the floor and next to the table's leg.

Emily smiles and giggles for a moment as she takes in the site, while being reminded of the former liaison's desk at the BAU. It was nice to know that even though she did not work for the BAU anymore, that some of the blond's habits will not change. In spite of the chaos that was currently running rapid all over her life, that she could still feel a sense of comfort in the tornado that was the blond's living room table.

"What?" JJ asks inquisitively as she turns to the brunette.

Emily shakes her head with a smirk. "It's nothing Jayje."

The blond quirks an eyebrow at the brunette, not quite believing her.

"Really? It must be something since it caused your mood to turn a complete one eighty in a matter of seconds?" JJ said playfully as she sat down onto the couch. Emily follows in the liaison's lead and takes the spot on the couch right next to her, setting the orange folder and a surprisingly calm Sergio onto the table.

They sit in a comfortable silence for a couple of moments before Emily places her arm on the back of the couch and leaning her head on her hand after.

"It just amazing how-" Emily begins, biting her lip a little, trying to figure out if she should just jump right in with the subtext of why she was really there or if she should just hold off on the conversation a little while longer.

The brunette decides, after a few moments, that she wants one last good memory to hold on to before she has to face Doyle and whatever else lied ahead. So she holds off on the bad news for a little while longer.

"That even though you have this amazing promotion and yet, you're still one of the biggest slobs I know." the former agent said chuckling.

"Hey! That's not fair." JJ gasps in mock offense, placing her hand over her heart. "This table is _not _a reflection of what my office looks like now. It's much cleaner."

"Tell me this Jareau." Emily said with a playful glare. "How much overtime do you pay your secretary at the end of the week to keep your desk from looking like a hoarder's enclave?"

JJ playfully places her finger on her chin, pretending to think about it for a little while and then she smirks. "That's classified, Prentiss."

Emily glares at JJ for a couple of seconds, with her lips formed in a thin line. She's trying as hard as she can to hold in her impending giggles, but is finding it really hard to do so. But when the brunette then remembers the creep from the bar five years ago, who pretended to be an FBI agent in order to get in her pants, the last of her restraint fell through. She holds onto her stomach and falls over laughing.

JJ joins her happily a couple of seconds later, relieved that she managed to get her friend to take her mind off of whatever was bothering her before she got here.

They continue this way for a couple of moments more, before Emily felt her stomach clench a little in pain from laughing so hard.

When JJ got the last of her laughter out, she leans back onto the couch and takes a moment to really look at the brunette before her.

There were dark rings around her eyes and her usually endearing pale skin now seemed even paler than normal. Blue eyes look down at the woman before her's hands and sees that she's been chewing her nails again. She then noticed that her friend is bouncing her knee slightly. If this were seen by the untrained eye, they wouldn't be able to tell that her knee was moving in the first place. But six years of be around profilers and picking up the nuances in human behavior, the blond found herself picking up on the little things like that.

Between that and the fact that the brunette still had her work combat boots on, JJ figured that whatever was bothering Emily had to be work related.

"Bad case?" JJ asks softly, receiving a nod from Emily in return. She watches her take a deep breath in and that she was avoiding eye contact.

"Something like that." Emily said shortly. She stared out into the distance as her heart filled with dread. She suddenly remembers this afternoon's terror.

The horror that glistened into her eyes when she saw the wreckage that was her old team's former escape house with poor Ben Corelli lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood. She remembers how he was always nice and pleasant to her when she would visit him from time to time, when her scheduled allowed, for tea and biscuits. He would tell her about his adventures in Interpol and how they managed to recruit him to the agency, when a drug dealer had one of his falsified identities in his jean pocket. At first, he agreed to help them in order to escape prosecution. But after a while, he got to know some of the agents and various families he provided identities for and felt like he had finally found his life's purpose. By giving the people that he helped a second chance at having a good life.

She recalls the last conversation that she had with him, before his untimely death and he specifically asked her if she was happy. Emily said that she was getting by well enough, which did not satisfy the forger one bit. He told her that it was all fine and good to have your dream job, but if you don't have anything to hold onto outside of it, then what is the point of living?

She never got the chance to tell him that she had the opportunity to be happy with a certain blond. But let the opportunity pass her by because of her fear of Doyle.

"Do you want to talk about it?" JJ asks, taking her away from her memories and bringing her back down to earth.

Emily shakes her head. "Not really. But it is part of the reason why I'm here so, I might as well get it out."

"What happened today, Em?" JJ asks with concern laced in her tone.

The brunette takes a deep breath, having a hard time figuring out where she should start. She pauses for a few seconds before she finally finds the strength to go on.

"Do you remember the Cosenza murder-suicide that was in the news a couple of weeks ago?" Emily asks hesitantly.

"Yeah. It was horrible. I watched the broadcast from my office that morning." JJ said nodding.

"And the house fire that killed Kerry and Ron Fagan a few neighborhoods over?"

JJ nods as Emily takes another deep breath in.

"Well, it turns out that their deaths weren't what they appeared to be." Emily said softly. "They were staged to look that way."

The brunette looks up at the liaison to see her nodding in understanding for her to go on.

"The team managed to prove that their deaths weren't murder-suicides or accidental house fires. That their deaths were the work of a serial killer. But he's not just any serial killer, not like the ones that we've seen."

"We've faced guys like George Foyet, Billy Flynn and Frank Breitkopf. You see one unsub, you've seen them all." JJ said doubtfully. "What's so special about this guy?"

The brunette takes a moment to calm the anxiety that was currently causing her stomach to do backflips and sighs. She didn't know if JJ's confidence in not being afraid of their unsub

"Because, up until he was arrested in 2003, this guy has been on everyone's most wanted lists. The CIA. FBI. Dozens of International organizations, especially Interpol. Homeland Security. You name the agency, he's probably wanted in that country. He has murdered hundreds of people and gotten away with it. He's also a parasociopath, willing to do _anything_ and _everything_ to accomplish whatever goals he has." She takes a deep breath and continues to fight the tremble that threatens to appear in her voice.

"If you piss him off or screw him over, you're guaranteed to make _his _list." The brunette finishes quietly. "And it won't matter what you do or how many protection programs you're in, he will _always _find you. When he does, he'll subject you to the worse kind of torture before he'll kill you mercifully. Or at least in his own warped sense of mercy."

Seeing the glazed, faraway look deep within her friend's brown eyes, JJ scoots closer to the brunette and places a hand on her left knee comfortingly.

"It's okay Em, just tell me." JJ said soothingly.

"Our unsub's Ian Doyle." Emily sputters out, feeling her throat and the rest of her mouth suddenly go dry. "The international arms dealer. Have you ever heard of him?"

JJ's eyes widen in surprise and she nods in the brunette's direction. She remembers her old international relations professor letting her class out for the week when news of Ian's arrest broke. The whole class watched as they carried the dangerous arms dealer away and her professor eyes well up with tears of joy. She hung behind once the room cleared out and he told her the story about how the arms dealer killed his cousin after a night out in Belfast. The light red headed man was happy to see that the bastard, as he put it, was finally getting what was coming to him.

One day, when she was going through the archives for an old case that Rossi needed, she managed to find a few files on Doyle. She read briefly about what he had done and the thousands of weapons he has circulated throughout Europe, the Middle East, US and Mexico. She also read briefly about the hundreds of people that he may have been responsible for killing, finding Professor Roderick's cousin among the fatalities. This guy was no one you wanted to mess with and JJ felt sorry for the ones who tried before this joint agency task force, to take him down.

The liaison also managed to find a few of the blacked out profiles of the FBI agents who were a part of the raid in France. She only managed to go through two of the profiles before JJ received a call from a detective asking about the progress of their case file. She hurriedly put the files back in their proper place before anyone figured out they'd been messed with.

The liaison starts rubbing circles on her friend's knee, as her understanding of the gravity of the situation is enhanced.

"How did he escape?" JJ asks tenderly. "I though he was locked up in some classified prison in Russia that even the CIA couldn't break into?"

Emily laughs bitterly, remembering the lie that Clyde and the rest of the task force's organizers fed to them. "Like that would ever stop Ian Doyle. Besides, it's not like he was in Russia in the first place."

Confusion clouds the blond's blue eyes.

"They had him in Camp 22, in North Korea."

"Wow." JJ said, not knowing what else to say after that. In her short time with the State Department, she had heard some of the worst horror stories to come out of that camp and how hard it was to escape. The team would need the Army and Navy reserve to capture a guy like that. Even then, the liaison didn't think that would be enough to stop the havoc the man has probably already reeked.

"No kidding." Emily said sarcastically, holding back the comment on the normally eloquent liaison's lack of eloquence at the moment.

Coming out of her haze, she continues on with her circling of Emily's knee. She uses her free hand and reaches out to the brunette, going for her chin. She tilts it up gently forcing her friend to look directly at her.

"Regardless of how good Doyle and everyone else may think he is, you-" JJ said with conviction laced throughout her tone. " and the rest of the team at the BAU are better. You all are going to find and stop him before he hurts anyone else."

"But that's just it Jayje! He already has hurt someone else!" Emily yells slightly, in frustration, causing JJ put her finger up to her lips to shush the woman before her.

"I know you're upset Em, but I just got Henry to go to sleep." JJ said pointing upstairs. "Do you think you could do a little less yelling and be a little more angry."

Emily looks down, blushing a little. "Sorry about that. I forgot that Henry and Will would be sleeping at this hour. How are they by the way?"

The liaison shakes her head at her friend in disapproval. "It's only Henry. Will is in New Orleans with a friend. Don't change the subject Emily. Who did Doyle hurt?"

The brunette sighs and reaches up with her left hand to pat her bangs down a little.

"The task force that was in charge of of bringing him in and escorting him to Camp 22." Emily finally says after a couple of minutes in silence. "The task force was started through a private security company that was tasked to profile and hunt down Doyle. Every single person involved with this task force is dead."

"The man in charge of the agents, his name was Sean Mccallister, was killed in his home a couple of weeks ago in Denmark. His whole family, including his wife and daughter, were found tied up with their throats slashed." Emily said hollowly. "Their handler, Byrony Delaney, had a drug induced heart attack as he was leaving to warn the other members of the task force who were still living. Jeremy Wolff, an agent with the task force, had a heart attack."

Emily gulps before she goes on, trying to rid herself of the images of Tsia's slumped over body outside the safe house, with the lone bullet wound to her temple. Every time she thought of her dear friend in that condition, the brunette felt the left over bile from this afternoon with Derek creep back up.

"Tsia Mosley, another agent with France, was shot once in temple outside of Ben Corelli's place. He was shot too and his place was tarnished, everything was out of place and Doyle made a show of it."

Feeling her eyes cloud over, thinking about how her two friends were murdered senselessly, in anger, the brunette wipes the tears that threaten to come out of her eyes away. Since her time with the BAU and even before then, she had seen worse crime scenes. But when it's people that you care for, the feeling is different. It was with Matthew and it had been for Haley. They weren't just nameless, faceless victims on a serial killer's sick kill list, they were people that she knew and would never speak to again.

Or maybe it was because Emily saw herself within the victims that she knew on the table in some of her worse nightmares. She could see the medical examiner make his incisions on her cold, pale and lifeless corpse, yet she could not look away. Maybe what she was seeing was some sort of foreshadowing to her own fate after her confrontation with Doyle would surely end in disaster?

Her thoughts are interrupted when JJ pulls her into a bone crushing hug and holds tightly onto her shaking form. She thinks she must be in really bad shape if the reserved to the point of stoic blond liaison was offering her shoulder to cry on. She feels her friend start circularly rubbing her black, trench coat clad back tenderly and stroking the back of her ponytailed hair as best as she could.

Emily files this moment in the filing cabinet of her mind as one of 'the best ways to spend your last day before your inevitable death by family annihilator ever'.She would treasure this within her heart and mind while she's facing off with Doyle, even though it was being done under the pretense of friendship.

JJ would go on living her perfect life with Henry and Will, after she's long gone, without ever knowing just how much the former BAU media liaison meant to her as more than just a friend.

"Did you know any of the victims?" JJ whispers in her ear soothingly.

The moment of truth has arrived, where Emily could not hide or compartmentalize the lies of her secret life anymore. What she was about to tell JJ could change not only the way the blond saw her for good, it can also put herself, Will and Henry in danger as well as herself. She could lie to JJ one last time and continue to let the blond live in blissful ignorance about her not so ethical activities while she was in the JTF-12.

Then again, not knowing could put JJ and her family in even more danger. Emily could not live with herself if anything happened to any of them because of her continued lie by omission. At least if JJ knew what was going on, she would be able to take the proper precautions to protect Will and Henry.

"Yes." Emily whispered in a hoarse voice. "They were _my_ old teammates Jennifer. I was a member of the JTF-12 before I joined the BAU."

JJ pulls away from the brunette slightly at her friend's revelation, causing the brunette's shoulders to slump a little. She looks at Emily and sees that the brunette had taken that as a sign of rejection or disappointment. So she keeps her hand on her ailing friend's shoulder and waits patiently for her to continue on.

It takes Emily a few moments before she is able to look the blond in the eyes and gathers the strength to go on.

"Remember the Henkel case, when you asked me in the bathroom how I managed to stomach the horrors we see at the BAU after coming from a desk job?"

JJ nods in reply but says no more, wanting Emily to get out what she needs to get out. She remembers feeling at the time, that there was more to the new profiler's story than she was letting on, but she ultimately let it go. She made a note to ask her when Hotch's hawk eyes weren't listening in around the corner somewhere. But after that case, it never came up again. Emily had quickly become a friend to the liaison and she figured that the brunette would tell her the real story when she was good and ready to. She refused to push her further for the details.

"I lied." the former agent said forlornly. "To you and to Hotch."

"I had seen far worse than anything Henkel and his two other personalities could come up with. None of the men who committed those atrocities could use the dissociative personality disorder excuse either. Everything these people that the JTF-12 were assigned to profile was intentional and to send a message to their enemies. They didn't give a damn about the lives they destroyed or even think about the people they killed. They just did it all for money and power and they were getting away with it" Emily stops for a second to shovel down the bottled up anger that she still held for some of the cases that ran across her desk while she was still with the task force.

"But after Doyle, I just couldn't do it anymore." Emily said sadly. "He had son, Jayje. A sweet, innocent and _happy_ three year old, little boy who loved playing piano and really liked riding bikes. I was even teaching him how to speak French, so he would be able to read his favorite book to _me _before bedtime."

The brunette starts to chuckle, remembering three year old Declan's infectious smile that lit up whatever room he went into. How he would pop up out of nowhere and found solace in her lap. She looked at her hands at all of the paddy cake and rock, paper, scissors games they would play for hours on end. She wanted to cry thinking about all the times she had read Le petit prince to him, with his tiny frame in his favorite long dinosaur pajamas, before Louise put him down for the night. Then the horrible memory, one that would forever change the course of her life and that put her in this situation now.

"What Doyle asked me to do, is something _no one _should ever ask another sane human to do. It's why Serg and I are here tonight." Emily starts off with as she reaches over and opens the door to the cat carrier, mentally preparing herself to tell Jennifer the truth.

"_I thought he was your house keepers?" she asks surprised, pointing to the little boy standing by the formally dressed house keeper._

_When they were working on a preliminary profile, there was no mention of Doyle having kids. There was barely any mention of his family at all. So it shocked the profiler to learn that the little boy she's been playing with for the last year and a half wasn't who she thought he was._

_She was even more surprised that the closed off arms dealer would disclose one of his biggest secrets to her at all. He must have been serious about wanting to marry Lauren then._

"_Louise raises Declan so that no one could use him against me." he answers earnestly."But he's mine and he needs a mother."_

_She opens her mouth a little in shock at Doyle's proposal. But as soon as the shock came, it left just as quickly and Emily shook her head at the suggestion._

"_I can't do that." Emily said heartbrokenly, watching as blue eyes look at her in shock. "Not here."_

"_I can get you out." Doyle said softly, yet hopefully. _

_The profiler sees how serious he is about her wanting to raise Declan and she knew that could never happen, not with the way Doyle lived. Poor Declan would be the target of many of his father's adversaries the minute it gets out that the little boy was his. _

_But if Doyle was serious about wanting a life with Lauren and Declan by his side. If he was willing to give up this life for a much quieter and happier chance with his son, if nothing else, the least Emily thought she could do was offer the opportunity to Ian. For Declan's sake at least._

"_I could get you out?" Emily offers desperately, hoping upon hope that Doyle love Declan enough to do just that. Take her offer and get out. "I have resources, contacts. He would be safer. He would have a **father.**"_

_She watches with a little ache in her heart and the feeling of hopelessness cloud in her chest as Ian shakes his head in refusal and his blue eyes steel in defiance. _

"_You know what I am Lauren. I'm a warrior." Doyle said proudly. "I lead warriors. I **raise **warriors. I can't just leave."_

_The profiler crosses her arms over her chest and looks down solemnly. She feels the anger swell up in her chest as she fights the inner war over her self control at what he was implying._

"_You want **me**, to raise your **son **to have **your **life?" Lauren asks incredulously._

"_Is it that bad of a life?" Ian asks with a slight smile and smug indifference. Emily had to slightly grasp her upper arms a little tighter to stop herself from throttling the arms dealer then. She couldn't believe for a split second, that she fell for his father of the year routine and genuinely wanted to help him out. _

_She should have known that the man in front of her would do whatever it takes for Declan, only if it didn't interfere with his life as an arms dealer. Declan wasn't even worth giving that up. Emily decided then that if he wouldn't go under the radar and give up his life of crime for his own son, then he truly wouldn't give it up for anything or anyone else._

_Ian Doyle was officially another lost cause._

"_There are so many things that I would do for you." Lauren starts off gently._

_Before she could finishing saying what she wanted to say to Ian, the rambunctious three year old in question runs from behind the couch and into Lauren's white pants leg. She ruffles his hair a little bit, but keeps her brown eyes on the steely blue ones before her._

"_To make you happy."_

_She kneels down to Declan's level, with her hand gently on his back and turns to the happy little boy she's secretly come to adore for the last year and a half. Lauren then briefly pulls him into her side and hangs lightly off his shoulder. Then she looks up at his father._

_He has a serene look on his face, almost as if he knows what is coming. It seems like he is taking a moment to stare at the two of them, picturing the quiet life they could have had together if his pride and ego did not get in the way. But the moment he looks at Declan and herself, as the wide eye boy stares at the man he only knows to be his father and not the international criminal of the papers. For a moment, he seemed human, as if he were doubting not taking her way out. As quickly as that look appears, it goes away instantly and Ian puts his mask of indifference back on once again for his boy._

"_But." she shakes her head as she gulps down the sadness at the sight before her. "I can't do this."Declan looks over to her slightly, almost as if he can tell that something is wrong with his playmate and daddy. She strokes his light blond hair, for one last time._

"_Go to your father"_

_She watches as the three year old scuttles away from her and over to his father, grabbing Ian's khaki waist in a slight hug. Reluctantly, Emily looks over at father and son, with a host of horrific images flashing through her mind of things to come for the innocent little boy. She sees a tall Declan, about as tall as his father, helping Ian along with a deal. She sees the once bright eye little boy's steely eyes turn cold and indifferent, just like his daddy had taught him to be, a warrior through and through. The next image is of the young Declan aiming an AR-15 to a rival of his father's head and pulling the trigger without a moment's hesitation. And the last image is of either the boy's imminent and guaranteed early death at the hands of his father's enemies or his father's own death. Either way, the Declan that had all the potential in the world, was now gone forever. He would be irrecoverably broken and go on to raise another generation of warriors who would be just as broken and unfulfilled as he was and his father before him._

_As Lauren rose to her feet and forced herself to look away from the tragic sight before her, she turns her back to the father and son team, away from their prying and curious baby blue eyes. As she clutched the golden claddagh ring in her hands and twirled it around her finger. _

_She couldn't let Declan's fate be decided by his ruthless father, even if it killed her. If she could save that sweet boy from his father's will, even if it killed her in the end, she could live with herself for as long as she had._

_As she walked away, Emily started to think of all the people who could help her get Declan and Louise out of here immediately. She didn't know how long it would be before Interpol raided this place, but all she knew was that the two of them would be far away from this place by then._

"I couldn't let him do it." Emily said hoarsely, finding her voice after a few minutes. She looks down at her hands and starts picking off the already sawed off nail. "I could not let him turn that sweet, innocent little boy into the monster he ended up becoming. I could never live with myself if I did. You understand now, don't you?"

She looks over to JJ, who has a few streaks running down her face. The liaison knew that Emily was selfless in spite of her upbringing. That she would put her life on the line for the people that she loved, but she could not imagine that the brunette would make a sacrifice like that without thinking twice about it. JJ began to see her friend in a whole new light and it took everything in her not to pull the brunette into another bone crushing hug.

"I understand completely, Em." JJ croaks. "And you have know idea how proud of you I am Emily Elizabeth Prentiss. For everything that you're doing for Declan and what you continue to do for him even if he doesn't know it yet."

Emily blushes in embarrassment at the high praise that she was getting from the woman that she would never have. It felt good to get her secrets and her burdens off of her shoulders while handling that duty to someone she truly loved and trusted. She looks down for a moment to compose herself before speaking her next dreaded sentence.

"Which is why I have to leave." Emily says, looking into the red, blood shot eyes of her best friend, watching her eyes contort and widen in shock. "And I don't know when...or if I'm coming back."

"You can't run away Emily." JJ pleads. "If we call the team right now, set up a meeting here and figure out some sort of game plan, maybe get you a protective detail-"

"There's no use JJ, he knows where each and everyone of the current team lives." Emily said hopelessly. "He'll just come here to your place and hunt them from there. And with Henry, it's just not worth the risk."

"I can call my mother and have him stay at her place until this is all settled down-"

"There's no point Jen." Emily reassures her, watching as any sense of hope fades from the blonds expressive eyes. "He'll just go after Henry and kill your mother to get to him. And there is no protective detail in the world that could protect any of us or our loved ones from his wrath!" Emily grabs onto JJ's shoulders to try and get the point across to the disbelieving blond. "Doing any of this, will only delay the inevitable. He wants _me_ and he will go through whoever he can in order to get to me. I can't run from him anymore and I _won't_."

Her hands drop from the blond's shoulders when she thinks that the media liaison sees there is no talking her out of what she was going to do. JJ then looks down at the table angrily.

"After I stowed Declan and Louise away, I had nothing lose back then. No family, no friends that I had regular contact with. Most of my coworkers could barely remember my last name, let alone know as much about me as you and the rest of the team do." Emily said.

Taking a risk, she gently tilts JJ's head up and strokes her cheek almost lovingly.

"Now is a different story." the brunette said softly. "I have everything to lose now. You, Henry, Jack, Hotch, Reid, Seaver, Garcia, Morgan and Rossi. You guys are my _family _now. And family would do anything thing for each, no matter what. Or is that not what you told Garcia after Battle?"

JJ huffs a little, but stops automatically when she feels slightly cold lips press lightly but briefly on her left cheek. The brunette lets it linger for a little longer than necessary for friends, but the liaison accepts it anyway. She feels the warmth tickle her cheek and the blond has to fight the urge to hold her cheek and never let go.

JJ exhales the breath that she was holding in and sighs.

"What do you need from me Emily?" JJ ask resolutely. "Anything you need at all, I will make sure to get it for you, no matter what it is.

"A sympathetic ear to listen to my sob story with." Emily said cheekily, causing the blond to smile.

"Besides that, I mean."

Emily looks deeply into JJ's baby blue eyes and smiles softly.

"What you've done so far, was more than enough for me Jennifer." Emily said meaningfully. "It was everything I could have needed actually."

"Don't worry about everything else, Jen. Because I have a plan to draw Doyle out and with a little luck, everything will fall into place the way it's supposed to." the brunette said optimistically.

JJ, who still had doubts about Emily's plan, did not have long to linger on said doubts. Because all of a sudden, she has Sergio purring in her lap, begging to be coddled. The blond sets him in her lap and obliges the black cat's request.

"Could you make sure that Sergio has a place to go for me?" Emily asks skeptically. " I don't know how Will feels about cats, but he's very friendly especially around other people. If he sticks around here long enough, you'll probably start to fall in love with him.

JJ smiles at the attention that she was currently getting from the cat, who she had only seen a couple of times since she's left the BAU and this thing with Doyle started. Emily may be right about falling in love with the cat immediately, she may have found herself falling for the little guy already.

"Sure thing Em." JJ said as she stroked Sergio's soft fur. "I'm sure Sergio will fit right at home here in no time."

"I know he will. You Jareaus are easy to love."

Before JJ could say anything in reply, the sound of sleepy footsteps enter the room. A tired and cranky looking two year old Henry steps into the living room, with the blanket and brontosaurus his Aunt Emily gave to him for his birthday last year, walks around to the couch and makes a spot for himself on the brunette's lap.

"Hi mommy." the boy said tiredly, still not noticing the lap he is sitting in.

JJ eyes the blond boy, whose hair has grown a little past his shoulder, a bit sternly.

"Hey sleepyhead." JJ said as she watches Henry cuddle into a smirking Emily's lap. "Did you ask the person whose lap you're sitting in if you could sit there?"

Henry looks up to see what his mommy was talking about. His eyes shoot open and the boy feels a rush come to him as he realizes he is sitting in his Aunt Emi's lap.

"Aunt Emi!" Henry said excitedly. He scrunches his wide eyes together and looks at the brunette curiously "What are you doin here? And past my bedtime tu!"

JJ and Emily laugh at the two year old's antics, a quality he certainly didn't get from Will.

"Hey bud." Emily said as she grabs onto his hands. "I was just saying goodbye to your mommy and I was getting ready to go in your room to say it to you."

Henry's smile drops and his lips form into a pout. "Where you go Aunt Emi?"

Emily runs her fingers through the tired boy's long hair in comfort.

"You know how your mommy used to catch the bad guys with me and your other aunts and uncles?"

He turns his head to look up at his beloved aunt curiously, shaking his head in the process.

Emily stops her strokes and smiles softly at the two year old.

"Well, there's this really bad man, whose already hurt a lot of innocent people, that I have to go find."

"Are Uncle Hotch, Uncle Derek, Uncle Reid and Uncle Rossi gonna go with you?" Henry asks innocently.

"Not this time bud." Emily smiles at him sadly and ruffles his hair a bit. "I have to face this bad guy alone."

"Why?" Henry asks sadly looking down at his lap. Emily looked at JJ and the blond could see panic flash through her best friend's eyes, as if she were trying to figure out what to say to him. They couldn't exactly tell him everything about the case. Even Emily hadn't told JJ everything just yet. So the liaison decides to tell Henry what she knows, hoping it'll be enough to placate the two year old's curiosity.

"Because." JJ begins gently. She scoots closer to the pair and places her hands on Henry's little chipmunk cheeks."There is a little boy whose life will be in great danger if your Aunt Emily doesn't go and fight the bad man herself."

"Is the little boy my age?" Henry asks shyly, his disposition brightening up a little at the prospect of a new playmate.

"No sweetie, he's a little bit older now. But he was a little boy when your Aunt Emi knew him."

JJ leans in and kisses her son on his temple, brushing the little wisps of his hair away from his face afterwards.

The three year old turns in the brunette's lap, facing his Aunt.

"Is the little boy happy with his family now?"

Emily finds herself choking up a little at the two year old's thoughtfulness and swift understanding.

"I really hope so Henry." Emily croaks.

"Okay." Henry said as he glances down at the table. "When are you coming back Aunt Emi?"

"I don't know honey." Emily said, watching the boy clutch at her arm, holding on for dear life. "But I promise, it'll be soon."

Seeing tears form in the young boy's eyes, she pulls him into her chest and holds onto him tightly.

"Do you know what I want you to do while I'm away though?" Emily asks as she rubs Henry's back. He shakes his from side to side into her chest.

"Serg here" the brunette said nodding to the cat, who was rising in JJ's lap. Henry moves his head away from her chest to look over at the black cat. " is going to be staying with you guys and your Aunt Penny."

Henry moves away from his aunt and reaches his arms out for Sergio. JJ and Emily chuckle as the blond gently puts the cat in her son's arms. He cautiously strokes the cat's fur, only to receive a content purr in return. The two year old then finds the cat's ears and begins to scratch behind them.

"Do you think you take care of him for me while I'm gone?" Emily asks while playfully ruffling his long hair.

Henry shakes his head excitedly at the brunette, causing the two former FBI agents to laugh.

Emily leans her head down to the boy's ear then looks up at his mother, making sure that she couldn't hear them. She covers her mouth with her hand.

"And take care of your mom for me too." Emily whispers, causing Henry to nod his head with a serious yet stern expression on his face that the former FBI agent thought was beyond adorable. "Even though she's got daddy and she can take care of her self, just keep an eye on her anyway."

"I will Aunt Emi." Henry said seriously. For a moment there, the brunette thought the little boy was going to salute her.

"Good." Emily said, leaning into his hair and kissing the top of his head.

JJ raises her eyebrow at the two adorable people in front of her, shaking her head.

"You know I'm still right here." she said in a matter of fact tone. "And I _can _take care of myself. I was one of the best shots in the FBI."

Henry and Emily look at each other for a moment and roll their eyes at her.

"We know mommy. You say it _all_ the time." Henry said sarcastically as he set Sergio down onto the floor.

The two former agents laugh at the two year old for a few minutes, laughing at the little boy who seems to be too grown up for his own good. When their laughter dies down, Emily sighs as Henry made his way over to his mother's lap. A loud yawn comes out of the small boy's mouth and he looks like he's about to fall asleep right there on the floor. The brunette agent sees that as her cue to leave.

Standing up, she brushes her hands off of her black jeans and claps her hands together when she's done.

"Well, I better get going. Traffic is already going be a nightmare getting to Boston." Emily says.

Not wanting her brunette friend to leave just yet and hoping to get her to change her mind about what she is going to do, JJ stands up and takes Emily's hands within her own, causing the former agent to look her in the eyes.

"Are you sure you can't stay just a little while longer?" JJ asks almost pleading. " It'll only take me a few minutes to put Henry back to bed with Sergio. Then you and I can have a glass of wine and you can tell me more about the JTF-12 if you want to?"

Emily glances down at their clasped hands and with many reservations, she pulls away from the blond, shaking her head.

"I can't Jen." Emily whispers softly. "As much as I want to, if I don't leave now I'll never be able to. It wouldn't be fair to Tsia, Sean and Jeremy's memories if I didn't catch the man who killed them."

"Everything that you need to know about Doyle, the JTF-12 and operation Valhalla is in that folder." Emily said as she pointed to the object in question on the coffee table. "Please don't open it up until long after I'm gone. I just don't want to have to look at the items in it all over again." Emily gulps down the tears that threaten to spill from her eyes. "Please, don't think any different of me after you've read through the case. I was doing my job and I didn't have much of a choice in all I had to do."

"I won't." JJ says earnestly. "Nothing that is in that file will change the way I see you. You're still _my _Emily. And you're Henry's Emi."

Nodding sadly in understanding, JJ leans forward and wraps her arms around her, squeezing her tightly. A few seconds later, the blond pulls away and catches the brunette off guard when she plants a lingering kiss on her cheek. She pulls back quickly and wraps her arms around her sleepy son's feeling as sad at someone leaving as she had been to see Emily go. When Will left this weekend with that attorney, she doesn't think she felt as broken up about it as she feels now. "At least let us walk you to the door to see you off."

The three of them make their way to the front door once again. Emily steps out onto the porch, causing the light to jump on again. When she is fully out of the door, Henry rushes over to her and clings onto her leg in a hug, the same way Declan had eight years ago.

"I'm gonna miss you Aunt Emi." Henry said crying a little.

"I'll miss you too, bud." Emily said, rubbing the little boy's back soothingly. "Remember what we talked about, okay."

He nods in the affirmative into her leg. He reluctantly lets go of her and makes his way into his mother's arms. JJ lifts him up to her hip and he hangs his arms loosely around her shoulders. He nuzzles his face in the nape of his mother's tanned neck.

JJ and Emily look at each other for a moment, both wishing that the brunette did not have to go but for different reasons. They spend the next few minutes in silence, just taking each other in, before JJ drums up the courage to finally say goodbye to one of her best friends.

"Take care of yourself." JJ says emotionally as she fought the tears welling into her eyes.

"I will." Emily said quietly, nodding at the blond one last time and then walking away from the porch.

As the brunette made her way down the steps and onto the sidewalk, JJ calls out to her.

"Emily!"

The brunette in question turns around and looks into JJ's tearful blue eyes. For a moment, the former agent thinks she sees a longing and sense of regret laced in the look the blond was giving her. For a moment, Emily allows herself to hope that the blond may also feel something for her as well, even if she doesn't quite know it yet.

Nodding at the blond, Emily places her hands nervously in the pockets of her trench coat.

"Promise me, you'll come home?" the blond asks hopefully. "It doesn't even have to be in one piece because we can work on putting you back together. Just come home and be safe."

Looking down a little, not wanting to disappoint the blond. But at the same time, she doesn't want to make a promise to the blond that she won't be able to keep. So she gives JJ a look, telling her that she will try her best to get back home back to her BAU family, her parents but most importantly, to JJ and Henry.

As she finally gets to her car and gets inside of the car. She places the key in the ignition and listens to the car roar to life again. Emily looks over to JJ's door and sees that the blond and Henry were still out there. The two blonds were waving at her car and she holds up a hand to them as well. She spends the next couple of seconds getting a good look at her two favorite people, not knowing when she was going to see them again, before turning away and focusing on the road ahead of her.

She pulls away from the small house and wipes a couple of stray tears away from her face. When she is out of the neighborhood, Emily prepares to compartmentalize herself away from the life she's made in DC. Away from her friends. Away from her BAU family and away from JJ and Henry.

She is no longer, Emily Prentiss, FBI agent and friend. Now she's Lauren Reynolds, the final name on Ian Doyle's kill list. The brunette promises that he won't see her coming.


End file.
